A poem in Russian

Уходят жизни дни

Пора уже себе сказать

Что ты не так уж плох 

Что снова надо бы признать

Что можешь и что ты не сдох

Прошли те дни, когда всё вниз

Пора понять, что дальше

Только вверх и только б не завис

Опять в цейтноте – будет все окей

Все риторические смыслы

Стоит оставить позади

Найти ответы не сумеешь ты

Ты можешь только жизнь

Прожить без едкой мысли

Что сотворил тебя Господь

А ты лишь отголосок Его песни

Которой имя – «Исповедь наоборот»

Пусть кается Создатель

Что заставляет нас страдать

Пусть думает о том 

Зачем такими нас Он сотворил

Ведь только мы – Твои творенья,

Получим от Тебя великий дар

Общаться напрямую не ища ответы

Когда ты скажешь, что пора домой

Ты дал нам силы опуститься ниже

Когда мы можем видеть бездны край

Так пусть та бездна будет силой

Которая потом заставит нас

Опять любить, желать и верить

Что мы Твою задачу во плоти

Смогли осуществить.


Can you adapt to being chronically ill?

The question above is quite hard to answer briefly. I have many thoughts, but I still don’t have an answer that is clear and simple. It depends on many aspects. Being disabled means you’re not fully adapted for an independent life, but in many cases you can still work, be sociable, make family, etc. It is also important to mention that illness, whether it is physical or mental, takes a lot of time to adapt. You actually need a lot of time to fight yourself and understand your new way of life. You start to think that you may win the battle with it and illness will just disappear. Or you may start to feel depressed and loose the ground beneath you. I’ve had a long journey with my mental disorder. I write here to address readers, who deal with this kind of pain. I know that many people suffer from stigma. I know, how hard it is to understand, that your life will never be as easy as it has been before you’ve changed for good. I am trying to find something positive in things that surround me daily or briefly. I write this now and I am happy that I can concentrate for long enough to finish my thoughts and stay in one piece. English isn’t my mother tongue, but I love writing and I love English. That is why I do it. I really believe that at some point people will find a solution to make a breakthrough in medication. To some extent it has already happened. Imagine, how hard it was back then, when there was no treatment for patients at all. Now I can drink medication and live a life with certain restrictions, but it does help. I remember years at the “beginning” when I refused to drink my drugs. So I didn’t drink them at all for a year. It is common among new patients. But after this mistake I clearly understood that medication really can help. I can control my ups and downs more easily with my doctor. And I can live happily and enjoy my life. Thanks for reading.

Писать сегодня мне легко…

Good evening dear friends

Good afternoon my simple verse

Good day to all the rest

Good morning to all those

Who cannot rest…

I am about to start a talk

About a text, that is to come

To claim that I am an “old man”

To say, that everything is well and is okay!

I am recovering, I do my game

Of chess, of football, of creating sense

Of making home a forest fruit

Of making love without food…

I am in process of rename

I am in process of real gain

I see the sky, I see the clouds

I see the God and angels fly

I know the rest – I make some sense

Today, tomorrow, pick your best…

Thanks for your time and reading

And goodbye! See ya in person.

When we gather and are fine!

Nikki, 09/20/2019.