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Остались раны, как после большого града,

Когда все листья на клену опали,

Мне надоело многое – тут мне никто не скажет,

Что изобрел я свой велосипед.

Все, что хочу – имею,

Все, что имею – не хочу…

Так говорят простые люди,

И грешен – тоже так твердил…

Но жизнь сама распутает все сети,

Когда займешься делом ты своим,

Не надо ничего ни говорить, ни слушать,

Лишь стоит попросить,

У друга, у жены, у Бога,

О том, что хочешь приобресть…

Я не люблю ни алчность, ни други пороки,

Однако ж, не сужу я строго,

Тех, кого этот бес поработил…

Я всех простил, молил я Бога,

Чтобы отец и мать были в достатке,

Были смелы, отважны,

Были здоровы и прекрасны…

Простить себя не сложно,

Чужих людей вообще не стоит ничего простить…

А вот семья другое дело…

Это тяжелая работа, как на поле боя…

И убедить всех старших невозможно,

Что стоит думать о здоровье,

А не любимой выполнять каприз…

Но, если быть предельно честным,

Я лишь хочу, чтобы моя семья – болела меньше,

Чтобы была у них особая уютная квартира….

Все, хватит…

Исписал себя. Я еду на автобусе…

На море…

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Some lines

Hi there, I have some kind of a mood, that makes me want to write again. Happily, I won’t manage to write a lot:) But I like these lines, they are honest. I haven’t been posting for quite a time. I just didn’t have time mostly. The main reason, for sure, was that I had some drafts that were bad. I have deleted them right away. Maybe, I didn’t have something clear and truthful to say. Now I have. Please, make some comments guys. I really need some feedback. I don’t have a lot of subscribers, I am not ready to connect this blog to facebook or twitter. I am not really sure, whether someone else apart from me needs these thoughts and “poems” written here. I am not anonymous here, but I can clearly see that my blog doesn’t really attract readers. I can’t say, that I am sad about that. I understand, that my blog is about me and for me – posts I make here happen during different periods of my struggles with mental disorder. It can be disturbing and hard to read all I have posted here. By the way, at the moment I am feeling fine and stable. For the past 2 years I didn’t have any major problems with my illness. I live a quiet life, I try to do things, that can distract me and help avoiding from falling into psychosis. I try to do my own part and enjoy my life as it is. I try to love myself. I love all those around me. Thank you, dear all!

Today I speak a bit more freely

I hear more truth that’s very healing

I know that my opinion matters

When somebody is going backwards.

Someday I’ll see this come to end

But I would surely have a friend

No matter where, no matter how

I will keep fighting till I drown.

Questions without answers

What are we living for?

Is up to for us to choose?

Do we need lovers?

Or do we need some space?

Do we love others?

Or we just love ourselves?

Do we care about our lives?

Don’t we need someone to care for us?

Do you care about someone?

Except ourselves?

I hope so…

Life is a game

We are like gamers

Of our sacred lives

Whatever happens

We will lose the fight.

It would be wise

To stop the time

Stop crossing lines

And at least try.

Try to discover things

That are both in and out

Around us, in us

Be it left or right.

A poem in Russian

Уходят жизни дни

Пора уже себе сказать

Что ты не так уж плох 

Что снова надо бы признать

Что можешь и что ты не сдох

Прошли те дни, когда всё вниз

Пора понять, что дальше

Только вверх и только б не завис

Опять в цейтноте – будет все окей

Все риторические смыслы

Стоит оставить позади

Найти ответы не сумеешь ты

Ты можешь только жизнь

Прожить без едкой мысли

Что сотворил тебя Господь

А ты лишь отголосок Его песни

Которой имя – «Исповедь наоборот»

Пусть кается Создатель

Что заставляет нас страдать

Пусть думает о том 

Зачем такими нас Он сотворил

Ведь только мы – Твои творенья,

Получим от Тебя великий дар

Общаться напрямую не ища ответы

Когда ты скажешь, что пора домой

Ты дал нам силы опуститься ниже

Когда мы можем видеть бездны край

Так пусть та бездна будет силой

Которая потом заставит нас

Опять любить, желать и верить

Что мы Твою задачу во плоти

Смогли осуществить.

Passion of my own

This point is not a subject of discussion

A person, who can’t love himself

From hatred and non-loving people

They were inside my head and everywhere around 

By every mean, this is problem of my own

And nobody is gonna help me out

Besides, I think there is no reason to believe 

That judgement or some drastic action 

Can change me in some strange and unexpected way 

I live for my own good, for those who care about me 

I live to take what’s granted 

From our, human, life perspective

But I am sure that I am not an ape 

Too many years have passed 

Before we started to believe

That single person can be both 

A demon or an angel

It is, of course, a metaphorical expression

Besides, a person may be shifting gears between becoming first and second

And that is surely the case 

With every person that can be found around me.

Is surely a subject of disgusting passion

From all these equally untruthful thoughts 

That kill a tranquilising life around him 

Be sure, that I have suffered much

It is a thing to say about

It is a thing to whisper.

Good mood

Hi there, I have some kind of a mood, that makes me want to write again. Happily, I won’t manage to write a lot:) But I like these lines, they are honest. I haven’t been posting for quite a time. I just didn’t have time mostly. The main reason, for sure, was that I had some drafts that were bad. I have deleted them right away. Maybe, I didn’t have something clear and truthful to say. Now I have. Please, make some comments guys. I really need some feedback. I don’t have a lot of subscribers, I am not ready to connect this blog to facebook or twitter. I am not really sure, whether someone else apart from me needs these thoughts and “poems” written here. I am not anonymous here, but I can clearly see that my blog doesn’t really attract readers. I can’t say, that I am sad about that. I understand, that my blog is about me and for me – posts I make here happen during different periods of my struggles with mental disorder. It can be disturbing and hard to read all I have posted here. By the way, at the moment I am feeling fine and stable. For the past 2 years I didn’t have any major problems with my illness. I live a quiet life, I try to do things, that can distract me and help avoiding from falling into psychosis. I try to do my own part and enjoy my life as it is. I try to love myself. I love all those around me. Thank you, dear all!

Today I speak a bit more freely

I hear more truth that’s very healing

I know that my opinion matters

When somebody is going backwards.

Someday I’ll see this come to end

But I would surely have a friend

No matter where, no matter how

I will keep fighting till I drown.

Better than before

All the things that made you suffer

Made you better that before.

All the things that made you happy

Filled your life with something to enjoy.

All around we see so many stories

Do repeat them, some are made of gold.

All around we see so many troubles

Try to solve one, be so bald.

All our life we try to be somebody

Never being truly honest to ourselves.

All our life we ruin our body

Never trying to recycle inner mess.

You’re the best

You can let it go

You may start it slow

But you should believe

That you’re not alone

Try to feel yourself

As a person, who is loved

Who is loving everybody

Be it a relative or friend

Love yourself so bad

So you can ignore a fact

That you’re not the best

Do believe in things you do

Start to forget all bad mistakes

That can’t be fixed and make you cry

Begin new day with hope and joy

As if it’s best of all the days

Enjoy your stay out here

And do believe that you’re the best!