I think I think too much. Forgive me for the pun. I could give my head a rest once in a while. To be honest, I like straining it. And I don’t usually see the coastline. What can you compare with a thought that goes into a stack of scribbled pages with? “Old fashioned” pages of paper. If you have a computer at hand, it’s gone. Literally. Write, till you drop dead. Manuscripts don’t burn, but a laptop and its hard drive can’t be as reliable. Writing in general is rarely of good quality. On one hand we need form and content. We should also find common ground. It would be nice to set the subject. But most often it ends up being autobiographical and too personal. You can’t stay away from it. But it is desirable to let the essay rest until morning to look at it with fresh eyes. Then, if it works, you have to edit it. I’m not very good at editing, either. So what’s the end result? In fact, if I’m attentive to the details of my experience through narration, one in ten essays will appeal to me. And three more will say something about it. On such occasions, I present myself as an ‘exclusive’ and ‘underground’ writer not for everyone. Rome was not built in a day. I did not immediately come to the idea that it was worth sharing my soul. After all, I write from the soul. So I share it. I started a blog. There is prose and poetry. Of varying quality. But I’m trying to turn it all into cohesive content. It’s not perfect yet, but I’m trying. I would like to have regular readers here. But the most regular reader is me. Sometimes I take a break. That’s very important. I don’t turn it into a craft. Maybe I should. But, then, I need someone to point me in the right direction. What needs to be fixed? What to give up and what to add. How to change myself and start writing for real. Oh, if only I knew. I’d be living in Sochi with that kind of money. No, I’d still be living there. And I’d write in the same style. My muse periodically comes to flood my corner with scribbled notebooks and drafts in Word. Then the muse goes away and my brain starts working. There is no graph mania, but if you wish, you can burst out a congratulatory verse in honor of the birthday boy. Not bad either. Some people get a kick out of it. I like to hear in such a situation something in the vein of “I was given a poem for the first time in my life”. Or you bring up some philosophical idea that was born in the course of a dialogue, and you hear “you’re a very interesting person”. All that remains is to sing. And so the days go by. Sometimes what I wrote in another mental state looks like it wasn’t written by me. The text is very strange, but profound.

We think we can change many things. But we can do very little. Just imagine that the process of thinking and performing our tasks requires an incredible amount of work on our brain. It is a processor that works on all the organs in the human body. If you do not try to rest, you may go deaf, go blind, lose your sight. There is a phrase – see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing. It’s the perfect wife. But if you look at it from the other side of the coin, it turns out that everything is exactly the opposite. A woman must hear, must see, and, must speak. The right thing to do is to look for a man who’s close in spirit. I mean the one, the only one. It gives an opportunity to live in harmony. It gives strength. It allows to earn. It gives joy. It gives hope. It enlightens the mind. It clears the mind and the subconscious. It gives pleasant dreams, it gives creative ideas. It’s never superfluous, but you have to understand that marriage is hard work. Raising children is an important and never-ending job. It is worth doing responsibly and without rest. But as the child grows, the worries only multiply. The crises that a child goes through take a heavy toll on his psyche. He/she needs care, love and affection. When all crises are over – adulthood begins. This is another blow to the psyche. Not everybody can enter it quickly and easily. But everyone tries to make it work. This is a good thing. But one shouldn’t forget about rest. It is important. Rest always brings new strength and new strength means new opportunities. Children are the flowers of life. Teenagers learn about the adult world. Adults start families, get educated, build careers. All of these things are necessary for personal growth.

I sometimes think about how to cope with my world outside and inside myself. It is a complicated and convoluted process. However, like any human being I am growing spiritually and morally, trying to make sense of the different issues that are troubling or worrying me. It’s complicated. When I think about the future – I become a dreamer and somewhat of a fool. I’ll say more – a complete idiot! But if there is no dream, there is no desire to live. It’s not always possible to live one day, but I try very hard to maintain a healthy and unpretentious optimism – honestly, it doesn’t come out in the morning. The afternoons are easier. The evenings are even too much. That’s the way my biochemistry works. That’s how my brain works. To put it simply, it’s all about illness. But I’m pro-educated about the word peculiarity. It’s certainly a euphemism. But it helps me feel stronger and cleaner. It makes you feel better about yourself and the prejudices of others. I’m more comfortable with that. Of course, it’s not a panacea – but it’s a very effective word. So, to sum up, I can say to those who are tormented by guilt, despondency, homesickness and generally heavy spirit … Be patient. Wait. Have faith in yourself. Use any crutches. In quotes, of course. Hang in there, in these difficult times, and love life. There won’t be a new one.

We were born to live life with dignity. We are created by the Almighty, which has a great responsibility under it. Be it Christ, Buddha, Prophet Mohammed. Monotheism, polytheism, Zoroastrianism… In short, it’s about the night. We are very weak. The body is weak, the soul is weak. But, only a trial can turn it all 180 degrees. When one thinks, creates, works, is lazy, reads, learns… He learns the laws of the universe – earthly and dogmatic. When a man finds himself, finds a profession and earns money – he can begin to build a life according to his mind. Family, children, relatives and friends. You can help everybody, they will also help you. If you look for something, nothing will work. You have to let go of the reins. And then, everything will work out and go on as if by magic. It is not an axiom; life presents surprises time after time. But it is worth trying. It is an absolute rule of life on earth and in the body. If you do not seek inspiration, the muse will not come. If you do not look for work, it will not come. But if you look for salvation within yourself, it will come. With all that entails. It is a simple rule. And it is worth remembering. Never struggle with what is beyond your control. Never try to take on a burden you can’t handle. And to finish… We are God’s people. We are his slaves. Don’t forget that you can’t gamble with Him. Never. That’s the end of it. Love, be loved, respect and be respected.


Дорога понимания

Однажды, думая о счастье,

Я понял, что я полный идиот.

Я думал, что лишь в нем спасенье.

Но оказалось, что оно не лучше,

Протяжной смертной скуки и тоски.

Ведь скука – это способ заново осмыслить,

И разложить по полочкам мечты.

Тоска же даст тот новый импульс,

Чтобы опять почувствовать прилив любви.

Я думаю, что стоит смело,

Искать простые выходы своей душе.

И на любой открытый приступ гнева,

Пойти дорогой пониманья,

С частицей дружбы и сердечности внутри.


Парафраз, парафраз, парафраз

Невозможно всегда убегать.

Невозможно бросать вновь и вновь.

Невозможно бездумно искать.

И терять на ногах, 

Рвану пятку своих сапогов.

Можно быть бескорыстным и честным,

Можно быть бесконечно и пагубно пресным,

Можно быть очень смелым и неказистым,

Но найти, что тебе дарит смыслы.

Все на свете сказано трижды.

Парафраз, парафраз, парафраз…

Что же ты тогда делаешь с книжкой?

Что из слова ты можешь создать?

Все зависит от граней таланта.

Эрудиции – ёб ее мать…

От усидчивасти и порой фарта.

Но зачем себе мозги ебать?

Можно просто сидеть под оливой.

Тихо, мирно конца ожидать.

Хули нет, ведь так тоже красиво.

Умереть –  нихуя не пытаясь понять.

Мозгоёбка – особая сила,

Ею можно себя отвлекать.

“Игры разума” – ох, как учтиво…

Для себя ее так называть.


Размышления на закате дня

Я иногда думаю о том, как справится со своим миром вне и внутри себя. Это процесс сложный и витееватый. Однако, как и любой человек я расту духовно и морально, пытаясь разобраться в разных проблемах, которые меня тревожат или беспокоят. Это сложно.  

Когда я думаю о будущем – я становлюсь мечтателем и в некоторой степени глупцом. Скажу больше – полным идиотом! Но, если нет мечты, то нет и желания жить.  

Жить одним днем выходит не всегда, но я очень стараюсь сохранять здоровый и непоказной оптимизм – скажу честно – с утра не выходит. Днем уже проще. Вечером даже перебор. Так устроена моя биохимия. Так устроен мой мозг. 

Если говорить проще, то все это связано с заболеванием. Но я проедпочитаю слово особенность. Это, безусловно, эвфемизм. Но он помогает почууствовать себя сильнее и чище. Он дает возможность проще относиться к себе и к предубеждениям со стороны окружающих. Мне это больше по душе.  

Конечно, это не панацея – но это очень действенное слово. 

Поэтому, подводя итог, я могу сказать тем, кого мучают чувство вины, уныние, тоска и вообще тяжко на душе …  

Терпите. Ждите. Верьте в себя. Используйте любые костыли. В кавычках, конечно. Держитесь, в эти непростые времена и любите жизнь. Новой не будет.  

I sometimes think about ways of dealing with my world outside and inside me. It is complicated and twisted process. However, like all of us, I am growing spiritually and morally, trying to make comprehend various issues that are troubling or bothering me. It’s complicated.  

When I think about the future – I become a dreamer and a fool. I’ll say more – a complete idiot! But if there is no dream, there is no desire to live.  

It is not always possible to live day by day, but I try very hard to keep a healthy and unpretentious optimism – to be honest, it does not work in the morning. In the afternoon it’s easier. In the evening, it’s is too much. That’s the way my biochemistry works. That’s how my brain works. 

To put it more simply, it’s all about the illness. But I don’t like word. It’s certainly a euphemism. But it helps me feel stronger and purer. It makes you feel better about yourself and live up with the prejudices of others. I like it better this way.  

Of course it’s not a miraculous cure, but it’s a very effective word. 

So, to sum up, I can say to those who are tormented by guilt, sadness, longing and heavy mental and physical struggles …  

Be patient. Wait. Believe in yourself. Use any crutches. In commas, of course. Hang in there, during these difficult times, and love life. There won’t be a new one.


Great book that refers to Orwell 1984

The plot’s setting is a post-apocalyptic world where the majority of people live either in a poor, technologically backwards Urkaina [sic] (not to be confused with the present Ukraine, though the pun is likely intended) with about 300 million Russian speaking inhabitants with a capital city “Slava” or in a technologically advanced artificial flying city “Big Byz” (or “Byzantium”) which is locked in the sky above Urkaina and has a population of about 30 million, where English is used only as a Church language, Russian is used for regular communication.[3]

Действие сюжета происходит в постапокалиптическом мире, где большинство людей живет либо в бедной, технологически отсталой Уркаине (не путать с нынешней Украиной, хотя каламбур, вероятно, подразумевается) с примерно 300 миллионами русскоязычных жителей со столицей “Слава” или в технологически продвинутом искусственном летающем городе “Big Byz” (или “Византия”), который заперт в небе над Уркаиной и имеет население около 30 миллионов человек, где английский используется только как церковный язык, а русский используется для обычного общения”. [3]

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First edition (publ. Эксмо)S.N.U.F.F. is a science fiction novel by Russian writer Victor Pelevin published in 2011.

Hi there fellows. I wanted to recommend this book to those who like utopias of a modern Russian author Viktor Pelevin. I am sure you know, that this book is written in many languages. Pelevin is one the most prolific and concrete writers in modern world. I absolutely adore his prose. There are all sort of storytelling quirks and revelations. He is a genius – it is a fact. Of course, his early books like Omon Ra, Generation P, and many more – you name it, were about a period of 90’s in Russia. These books depict lifes of protagonists with humor, sarcasm, esoterica and existential diversity. I have read these books when I was a teenager. His new books evolved into something else. Like all writers, Pelevin is growingly stepping towards being one of my favorite modern authors. He is extremely prophetic and his way of writing is sublime. It is absolutely a must to read at least one page of his short novels. Then you become absolutely addicted to his talent.

Здравствуйте, друзья. Я хотел порекомендовать эту книгу тем, кто любит утопии современного российского автора Виктора Пелевина. Я уверен, вы знаете, что эта книга написана на многих языках. Пелевин – один из самых плодовитых и цельных писателей в современном мире. Я просто обожаю его прозу. В ней есть всевозможные сюжетные причуды и откровения. Он гений – это факт. Конечно, его ранние книги, такие как “Омон Ра”, “Поколение П” были посвящены периоду 90-х годов в России. В этих книгах жизнь главных героев показана с юмором, сарказмом, эзотерикой и экзистенциальным разнообразием. Я читал эти книги, когда был подростком. Его новые книги превратились в нечто иное. Как и все писатели, Пелевин развился эволюционно и стал одним из любимых современных писателей поколения. Он чрезвычайно пророческий прозаик, а его манера письма восхитительна. Обязательно нужно прочитать хотя бы одну страницу из его коротких романов. Тогда вы станете абсолютно зависимы от его таланта.


Do not spend your time in physical body to wine and sorrow… Sometimes it is better to have some rest from emotions.

Contact with nature,

Work with the body.

Flee from your madness.

And try to get studied.

Listen to voices…

Of birds, or your buddies.

Newer reflect of the days,

That have passed.

Live now and here.

Give me five.

As farewell to the party.


Summer sunshine

Arch of Triumph

“We were eighteen and had begun to love life and the world; and we had to shoot it to pieces. The first bomb, the first explosion, burst in our hearts. We are cut off from activity, from striving, from progress. We believe in such things no longer, we believe in the war.”

Erich maria remarque.

We live inside our inner trobles.

We try to deal with inner fears.

We lie, we speak the truth…


I’ve seen the Sun today…

I have seen rainy shadows,

I’ve seen the rainbow,

Full of colours…

I am now dealing with my soul,

I do pretend sometimes…

That I am an actor,

Or speaker…

I do it…

Then i suffer…

Because my stage is here.

On this white page.

I write this verse…

It’s bleak and stressfull.


I wan’t it to be less routine.

I’m melanchlolic now.

But someday…

I will be optimistic man.

I am a child.

With some creations.

I am a man of word.

I never promise,

If I cannot resolve,

The given word.


Be safe and truly happy.

Be kind and do no harm.

Be loved and love your body.

Be strong.

And never stay in pain again.

When I refer to some creations,

I do believe in power…

That is obsolete.

I have been seeing for moment.

And have gone back to body,

To repeat…

My journey.

Like friend and relative…

My journey on this planet.

Like brother and my grannies pal.

Stay safe and never be exhausted.

Sometimes we do not give a shit.

But, when the time comes.

You’ll see slim shady,

That may forever…

Change your life.



Chan Chan

#BuenaVistaSocialClub #ChanChan #Cuba

I listen to this song,

I feel the rhythm.

I fell the soul…

I see them singing.

I see the pain,

I see the love.

I see the poor,

No money…

But the song,

Is not about money,

It is about love…

Embodied in their choir.

I comprehend the style.

I do adore their smiles.

This music is eternal.

So is their voice.

Nobody can win the culture.

Whatever is the cause,

Pure talent keeps us strong.

And music has no language…

Music has no gender.

Music is made for defending,

From all our broken hearts.


You are beautiful

It is so yummu…

When sun is in the sky,

It is so lovely…

I am so high…

I am looking at the sea

And see the universe.

I see the hearts,

Of those,

Who left us.

My granddad,

My grannies…

My loving mommy.

Is here with me.

My love is like a fountain,

It sparks.

It does remind me

The champagne.

This love is only thing.

That gives me power…

Some hope is also added.

And faith is there on the line.




Loose to reunite…

Get up and try…

Loose faith…

To get it fresh.

Without evil.